sabs
  • videos
    • brands
    • collage animations
    • music videos
    • specs
  • graphics
    • thumbnails
    • gifs
  • multimedia
    • collages
    • hungry eyes
    • hungryeyez.com
  • contact

YES

6/29/2019

0 Comments

 
this cyclical routine of hope and heartbreak is starting to sink in as a reality in which i am neither the cause nor the victim

i was listening to a John Green podcast ep about the game of rock paper scissors, and he summed up life as inevitably having some dependency on luck, chance- the idea that we don't necessarily deserve everything that comes our way

it's comforting to think that my past failures might not have been avoidable and that my past successes aren't necessarily replicable. it's weird that relinquishing the correlation between hard work and results makes me feel better. because the idea that i can always do more eats at me every single second. because i rarely think i am good enough. but if it isn't true that the more i put in, the more i get out, then i can breathe a little pretending that my energy might go wasted either way.

it's so fucking tough for me to feel that i am ok, to be content with wherever i am at any given moment. i keep looking towards the future as some sort of salvation. that i can distance myself so far from where i am currently that anything i am doing now won't matter.

but i don't want to be depressed and i don't want to give up

i recently ordered a book titled "The Joy of Missing Out." i've been saying "yes" a lot more recently, just working on not putting things off. buying the book is one of them. Adi posted an article about it on fb and i think it's all about not being greedy for success/satisfaction/validation to the point where every new win only leaves you emptier and hungrier for the next. i guess it ties in to the idea that the more you know the more you are aware of what you don't know, so the more you have the more you are aware of what you lack. i want every new win to leave me content, not inadequate.

i do admit i grew up daydreaming about granduer, assuming that when i grew up i was entitled to so much because i had a feeling that i was special. my little girl aspirations are looking increasingly naive because all i want now is to get to a point of normalcy. i just want to be enough for myself, that's all
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
    ​-Alice Kingsley

    Archives

    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016

    Categories

    All
    Blog
    Like The Movies
    Losing Wait
    Musings & Moments
    [non]fiction
    Poetry
    Therapy
    Well

    RSS Feed

  • videos
    • brands
    • collage animations
    • music videos
    • specs
  • graphics
    • thumbnails
    • gifs
  • multimedia
    • collages
    • hungry eyes
    • hungryeyez.com
  • contact