AND IT WENT
And as quickly as it all came,
Blame her tendancy to put significance on the minute
Because hard feels familiar
And easy, skeptical
A self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tries to catch herself before these papercuts get deeper
It's a sting
A tiny mistep
Don't make it more than it ever was
Don't let the hurt be disproportionate to the joy
Don't let anything not be worth it
Hell it feels like they've already used you.
Wanting to be jaded,
But knowing that would only give them the satisfaction
If she can't be content
Then no one can bitch
ok, I'm pretty sure Jared is endgame now
I'm lying in bed. It's 6:30 AM. I just send a voice recording to Jack. And I'm happy.
I think my 22nd has taught me to stop focusing on the distant future and to just fully absorb the now before it becomes the distant past. I'm still a dreamer, but I'm one year less naive than 22, and I think, hope, know I'm better for it.
Things that make me smile:
listening to Lie to Me (Acoustic) by 5SOS
I think I'm falling again, but this time it feels so real, and I'm terrified, because what if it isn't.
I know I'm not what you need right now.
I know you need to learn that all you need is yourself.
I know that I need to give you space to figure that out.
And I hope that though you'll only need you, you'll choose me.
But if anything happened right now, it would be too soon.
You're confused, vulnerable, and I'm supposed to be strong and free. But I feel like I'm getting sucked into something meant to be, and I'm going to be ruined if this one isn't real.
All I can do is wait for you. And I don't know how long it will take. I don't know how long I can take. I don't know if this is me reading too much into things again, but you're feeding me everything I've always wanted and it just feels right.
I'm not sure what happens next or if this is all there is, but please, if it isn't true, let me down easy, lie to me.
I'm tired of chasing.
I'm tired of running.
I just want to find my anchor already.
Be careful with me Jared, and I promise I'll be careful with you.
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."