SHOT IN THE DARK

I'm supposed to be aiming, "shooting my shot," but I have no idea what to aim for anymore. I've never been this fucking scared in my life, because this is my life. 

I don't remember how it feels to be passionate.
I don't remember how it feels to be happy.

I feel like all these years of being the standard list of positive attributes (talented, passionate, hardworking, etc.) have all fizzled away within the span of a few weeks. 

I pray every single day for an answer, for the light, because I know throughout my life everything has happened for a reason. Every fiber in me aches for inevitable clarity. I hope it comes soon because I'm already falling.