September 05th, 2019

i woke up today feeling calmer, the negative thoughts aren't weighing as intense for now but i'm scared to admit it in case it disappears

i'm just going to list things that might be helping

• this subliminal @ night
• praying Hail Mary constantly when i first wake up to drown out the negative thoughts
• constantly asking Jesus to save me
• sleeping on a bay leaf and burning bay leaves for happiness
• burning hu
• not throwing up the night before anymore
• the chance that my skin will finally be ok

there is still so much discontent and evil inside of me, but i think i ultimately have to give in and be spiritual again because i have no other hope in getting better

i'm at a point where i see myself as the worst, pathetic person and it sounds whiny and ridiculous but it's been a long time since i've felt ok and i'm constantly terrified that my life is over because i don't think i'm capable of anything or deserve anything

if i do get better from this, it'll be another miracle in my life and this time i hope it doesn't fade away

Jesus please save me and make the impossible possible
i promise i'll try my hardest not to waste it once it comes