May 29th, 2019

anxiety is constant anticipation of the future and, for me, an inability to focus on the present

i think all my current overthinking has to be fueled by my inactivity
if i'm not busy, i'm just worried about the next time i will be
i'm worried that i'm currently wasting away all this time that could potentially save me from future stress, which is so stupid because it's causing me current stress
i can't stop processing the same check lists in my head over and over and over again
i can't stop
i guess it's because i'm not happy
so my mind isn't at peace right now
it's scrambling to figure out how to make me happy but there's no answer at the moment
it's just making my current unhappy state even worse

i know eventually my situation will get better but i really would love it if i had something to do with it, if i could use this as a chance to fight my vices rather than let them consume me like they always do