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My world stopped making sense months ago
I began by praying to go back in time
Then praying to pass away in my sleep
Then praying for God to take me home (wherever that is)
Now I don't know what to pray for anymore
All I say is please

Tonight is it. The last ounce of hope I have.
Everyone says it's going to be ok.

They're all trying their best, but I'm not. I have so little faith. Every single time it glimmers in my head, I'm quick to feel stupid. I know it's more likely that things won't change because I'm not even trying. I'm not fighting because I really meant it when I said "I give up" at the beginning of all of this.

I'm a bad person. I just know it. And I hate it. I'm hurting so fucking much, and I want it to end.

The drama of it all has gone stale. It's like a good TV show: better ended in the height of it's glory than to keep going until no one cares anymore.

All I really want to say to those who love me is that there's nothing anyone can do to make this better for me.

It will truly take a miracle for me to continue.
I believe in miracles,
But I don't believe I deserve one.

My world stopped making sense months ago