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GIVING UP

9/3/2018

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I'm trying to lose weight and tone up to finally get to my ideal body and mental state once and for all. As expected, every step of the way I feel like giving up. This is so fucking hard. I'm still going in circles.

I know what I need to do to make progress. Everyone knows: diet and exercise. But this mental/emotional battle is one I have no idea how to navigate. Progress feels like crumbs and failures feel like defeat. I have to keep on going, because I need to learn to love myself to finally learn how to be independent. Part of that is confidence in how I look, but a huge part of that is also knowing that I have control over how I look. I refuse to accept my current situation, because I'm so unhappy in it.

Right now my goals are:
  1. Weights in the 120's
  2. Legs (especially inner thighs) to slim up
  3. Face to finally slim up as well
  4. To be able to eat a meal without feeling bloated immediately
  5. Never purge again

Things I'm trying:
  1. Sleep hypnosis/affirmation vids
  2. Apple cider vinegar before meals
  3. Intermittent fasting 16/8
  4. Leg lifts everyday

Emotional/Mental struggles:
  1. Food temptations through living with fam
  2. Finding the right exercise to loose fat but not build muscle in legs
  3. Motivation to exercise when I don't have workout clothes and don't want to get all sweaty and gross in my unattractive pajamas
  4. Should I track everything (risk becoming obsessive) or should I just guesstimate (risk of not seeing concrete results and wanting to give up)?
I'm filled to the brim with excuses. I just keep waiting for something to click emotionally/mentally.
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