GIVING UP

I'm trying to lose weight and tone up to finally get to my ideal body and mental state once and for all. As expected, every step of the way I feel like giving up. This is so fucking hard. I'm still going in circles.

I know what I need to do to make progress. Everyone knows: diet and exercise. But this mental/emotional battle is one I have no idea how to navigate. Progress feels like crumbs and failures feel like defeat. I have to keep on going, because I need to learn to love myself to finally learn how to be independent. Part of that is confidence in how I look, but a huge part of that is also knowing that I have control over how I look. I refuse to accept my current situation, because I'm so unhappy in it.

Right now my goals are:

1. Weights in the 120's
2. Legs (especially inner thighs) to slim up
3. Face to finally slim up as well
4. To be able to eat a meal without feeling bloated immediately
5. Never purge again

Things I'm trying:

1. Sleep hypnosis/affirmation vids
2. Apple cider vinegar before meals
3. Intermittent fasting 16/8
4. Leg lifts everyday

Emotional/Mental struggles:

1. Food temptations through living with fam
2. Finding the right exercise to loose fat but not build muscle in legs
3. Motivation to exercise when I don't have workout clothes and don't want to get all sweaty and gross in my unattractive pajamas
4. Should I track everything (risk becoming obsessive) or should I just guesstimate (risk of not seeing concrete results and wanting to give up)?

I'm filled to the brim with excuses. I just keep waiting for something to click emotionally/mentally.