I told Judy about all that's been going on with my family she asked me if I felt relief you know what? I do
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hearing your parents fight is heartbreaking nomatter how old you are
both of them are so broken there's nothing i can do to save them mama is so done papa isn't listening tyle says us calling him is "annoying" i'm feeling so beyond uncomfortable, lonely, and sad I’m panicking so much this morning. I’m so exhausted with hating myself so much but it keeps on going. People say it’s just an emotion and it’ll eventually get better but the root issue is myself. I understand other people may get depressed out of the blue or have something severe happen to them to lead them to a low emotional point. But I feel like I’m just reacting to the culmination of everything I am. I get depressed remembering who I am and how much I don’t like most of it. I try to distract myself with going out and hanging around friends but I either feel worse or barely can ignore my feelings. My family loves me but they really can’t support me in the way I need because I don’t even know what I need. I feel so incredibly isolated. I feel too overwhelmed to function normally. I know how ridiculous all of this sounds because other people who have genuine hardship would kill to be in my external situation. I don’t know what to do because I really don’t believe I’m going to get better. All I know is that everything keeps feeling bad and I don’t blame anyone but me.
*edit: went to spend Halloween at Natalie's after I feel like myself again right at this moment F I N A L L Y
what happened today:
If I keep feeling like this, I can bring myself back. THANK YOU JESUS.
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"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
-Alice Kingsley Archives
September 2020
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