I'm lacking a purpose in life, the bigger picture. I've always thrived in being in my own lane, but I absolutely hate when I don't know the destination. It's even harder now knowing that I cannot continue to do things alone. I need to collaborate. I need to socialize. I need to stop being in my head all the time.
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Feeling better looking up socially awkward celebrities
Mama helped me to begin realizing that being a social person just isn't my strength so I shouldn't force it and pretend it is and forget my real strengths. I need to learn to stop feeling stupid.
My insecurities are getting way out of hand. I've always been in a constant state of wanting to improve my appearance, but this is the first time that I've deduced that I'll be completely unattractive at my natural state no matter what I do. I know it's gotten bad because I'm looking up plastic surgery before and afters at this point, contemplating if I'd ever do it. This is a new low. This is toxic. I'm tearing myself apart, destroying every ounce of self-love I used to possess. I need so badly to learn that I am enough. I'm just impatient.
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"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
-Alice Kingsley Archives
September 2020
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