"What was once before you - an exciting, mysterious future - is now behind you. Lived; understood; disappointing. You realize you are not special. You have struggled into existence, and are now slipping silently out of it."
-Synechdoche, New York I could cry if I talked to the right person right now sparkling eyes
glittery laughs happy hearts she thinks it's love she knows it's love she hopes it's love his height his laugh his eyes his voice him she tells herself this has to be it there can't be anyone past him if it feels right, then it is right she imagines calling him baby having him there next to her always he's all she ever wanted but . . . she's not all he ever wanted so all the "meant to be's" trickle down m a e ' s o t b n e t losing meaning losing touch she's heard of heartbreak but now she feels it it's a screaming pain incessant obsessive posessive excessive . . . temporary it'll start to fade she can only hold on to imagination for so long and when she lets go, she'll see that it was never meant to be if he never felt it . so she'll move on because the sooner she moves on, the sooner she'll find the one Ok, no more cryptic posts.
Fuck you Because I told you that "whenever I talk about shooting my shot, it's about you" Because you told me you only see us as platonic, not romantic, which is totally fine But then we get along so well and you make me laugh and you take all my heavy and make it light And then you mention "shoot your shot" 3 damn separate times when I'm trying so hard to play it cool You didn't lead me on before, but how can you fucking tell me that this isn't a huge lead on? That bringing up the phrase "shoot your shot" THE PHRASE THAT I EXPLICITLY MADE CLEAR IS ABOUT ME LIKING YOU is just platonic? Because the thing is, if a guy liked me, but I didn't like him back, I wouldn't keep bringing up his damn confession over and over and over. And what did you expect? I'm a dreamer. Of course I would internalize, and dream up the idea that you feel the same, that you were just testing the waters (seeing my reaction) before you dived in, but now I'm not so sure, and it fucking sucks It sucks because it would be so much easier to get over you, if you didn't let me like you But you do, and I like you so much more for it I told you that I always want what I can't have, but you're the first I would want if I could just have you Fuck you because I love you. The situation is simple, but I'm confused in my head
I think there is an expiration to "worth the wait," and I feel like I'm approaching it I keep waiting I think he's giving hints but he's not doing anything I'm just filling in blanks that meant nothing to begin with For some reason I keep hoping that he's as hurt/confused as I am That maybe he feels the same, but is too scared that I'm over it and that I'll hurt him But if he really felt the same, the potential hurt would be worth the risk Just shoot your shot already I'm not going anywhere I think I might've said too much this time. My normal is his crazy.
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"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
-Alice Kingsley Archives
September 2020
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