2 days ago, I went to see my doctor with my mom to get professional help for my depression. She prescribed me Paxil and recommended I see a therapist.
I think that was a wakeup call.
The idea of taking an antidepressant to alter my mood scares the shit out of me. Possible side effects include feeling worse than depressed, and I don't know how I'd fight my way out if I fell in that deep.
After the visit, my mom and I went to Costco to pickup the prescription. It's been 2 days. I haven't touched the pills yet, and I don't intend to.
Either way, my mom says I need to fight it, and even though I feel helpless a lot of the time, I know that's the best way to deal with all of this. All I keep telling myself repeatedly is that if I can get past this, then that will be one of the strongest things I ever do. And I'll be so fucking proud.
You can't force happiness. And it's really ok
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."