September 18th, 2019

LOG

• woke up not great, not terrible
• was feeling bad but then called Natalie and i feel more grounded
• felt briefly suicidal late afternoon
• decided not to soak feet in bay leaves anymore/will continue to listen to subliminals at night
• going to look for an endocrinologist tomorrow
• talked with Penny on the OC warmline, why did it feel normal

SKIN

• still feeling rough
• scars fading
• small pimples are showing up on right side

FEELINGS

• i get bursts of not wanting to feel like this, like i can come out of it, like i can run away, but i still feel stuck, feeling like nothing is possible
• I WANT TO STOP OVERTHINKING
• i don't know what to believe in anymore
• if i get through this i need to use it, not box it away