OSCILLATION

I'm still fluctuating between hints of normal and heavy sadness.

I don't know if I've even been in such a black place before. The last time might've been freshman year but I guess I've suppressed that memory.

So much of my frustration is derived from regret, from self-pity, from hating every inch of who I am...and I feel myself caving in to my inner demons. I've sunken so low mentally and emotionally and I don't know how to fight my way back up.

My pity party ensues:

1. Why have I always felt out of place
2. Why am I not anyone's ride or die
3. Why didn't I take those chances
4. Why can't we both like each other
5. Why can't I be her

I just want to scream and cry and scream and cry. 

The worst fucking thing is I just need to vent, to let it out, but I can't because I'll look needy and whiny and I can't take another cringeworthy interaction.

"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good, Oh Lord please don't let me be misunderstood"