ONLY TIME

i'm working on telling myself that big projects/progress takes time for anyone at any stage of their life/career

it was a nice, comforting thought to have while driving earlier and i feel a lot more calm

i'm trying to internalize the fact that some creatives like julia michaels played more of a supporting role to others (song-writing in her case) before being ready to take center stage

also, whoever heard of a famous director/actress/singer/etc. constantly churning out new movies and songs? there always is downtime. time for things to settle down. time for new inspiration to strike. otherwise content can get repetitive and boring. people stop caring.

sometimes it's just as important to consume as it is to create and i think i need to focus on that in the meantime, especially since i've been feeling kind of depleted as of late, need to build myself up for when i am ready for my moment

i don't even know what center stage will look like for me: editing for others is draining, i'll never be comfortable in front of the camera, producing isn't creative enough, and i'm still not ready for my directorial debut. sucks that those are the options right now. all i know is what i seemingly don't want and i hate that some of it feels like i'm starting to play backseat roles. i crave ownership. i also don't want to compete with others. i absolutely hate feeling jealous although i'm not quite there yet. i just want to be unique. everyone does.

right now a lot of things are feeling quite forced for me, so i'm trying my best to be ok with not wasting my energy on impulse just because i am unhappy with my current state. i'd rather run towards inspiration than run away from discomfort. i notice i get farther in the former.