November 10th, 2019

I've been trying to pinpoint this loneliness, why I feel so jealous of others, and why I also feel so left out, abandoned, and rejected.

I guess deep down I want someone to take care of me, someone who is able to already take care of themself. I wish there was a healthy version of this that I could rely on. If someone could just sit with me and I would't feel pressured to prove or explain myself to them. The problem is that people who know how to take care of themselves know that it's a bad idea to allow someone like me to depend on them.

I don't want to be like this. I don't want someone to make me whole. I want to be able to handle myself.