March 07th, 2026

The straw that broke the camels back: my hard drives

Completely broke down in Rowland with nonstop anxiety/panic attacks which was leading to severe depression. Heart palpitations, heart felt on fire, as well as neck and upper back, feeling like I was dying, spiraling thoughts, no appetite, and I could barely sleep. I couldn't even meditate because it was terrifying being in my body. I literally felt like I had no more strength to go on.

On Friday March 6, I walked outside in our garden and had a brief reprieve where I felt the slightest bit of hope. As Mama and I were heading out, the song "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips played on the radio in the kitchen singing "hold on for one more day, things will go your way" I somehow felt the universe was speaking to me.

The next few hours felt horrific with the anxiety attacks coming back full force. Out of pure desperation, I finally found the Behavioral Health Urgent Care Center in City of Industry (completely free, gov funded).

Long story short, after Mama and I waited for a few agonizing hours, Dr. Jenny finally saw us and prescribed me a combination of Propranolol for anxiety and Trazodone for sleep and depression. I immediately felt relief knowing that I finally had medication to lean on. The fear cycle was broken.

I finally was able to get quality sleep on Trazodone last night and I feel like myself again for the first time in a week. I'm so freakin grateful. Mama keeps saying that there are so many blessings in disguise (one of them being that I broke down here in Rowland).

Even in the dark, the Universe finds a way ❤️

PS Both Joanna and Jonathan held so much space for me in this difficult time. Jonathan referred me to his therapist who I'm seeing soon!

PPS been seeing so many orange cars

SIGN
On the way back home to my apt, saw a huge billboard by Honda saying "This is the Power of Dreams" with an orange car on it OMG