June 02nd, 2019
I'm having a really hard time staying motivated and keeping my mood at a normal level. I feel really trapped and it fucking sucks waiting for the universe to fix it for me. I really am trying to be more mindful and take little steps to help my mental state (eating more consciously, exercise, think I'm going to pick up meditating daily as well). But right now I can't help feeling low.
I hate that my predominant emotion lately is fear. I can still feel excited and laugh but my heart keeps sinking everytime it gets momentry relief.
I'm conditioning myself to let go until after my family's Hawaii trip next week. I know vacations are usually relaxing and exciting, but it's always so stressful and intimidating for me. I know I need to push past all my feelings and do my best to soak in moments. I'm tired of all my anxiety. I'm tired of caring so much.
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"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."