FIRST

for the first time in a long time she was speechless
words no longer sufficed
the pain of her heart pressed heavier than the weight of her voice
it was excruciating
it was sublime
to be able to feel the fissures of her existence stretched to its limits
it was human to the core
existential
she felt privileged
a low that felt high
a high that felt infinite
and as much as it tamed her
she desired for everything to cease existing
the memories of when they first met
his presence invasive
her predisposition shy
his eyes digging
her refusal to reciprocate
the flashes of his camera
she didn’t like his naked eye
but his third eye she didn’t resist
and she didn’t know it then
but she had fallen hard
at first it felt like relief
a free spirit letting her walls down for once
“You opened up my mind” she told him
“Now you have to open up the rest of me”
the second time
the third time
the fourth
the fifth
the sixth
the seventh
each time they met she was sure it would be the last
and each time her heart soared
suffered
mourned
healed
then broke again
and each time she had so much to say
as if volume of words would convey volume of desire
volume of pain
but her words never did much
one word from him did more than a thousand from her
his silence echoed louder than her screams
so
for the first time in a long time she was speechless
words no longer sufficed
​and the pain of her heart pressed heavier than the weight of her voice

​
*written while listening to this song*