DID I WAIT FOR ANYTHING TO CHANGE

I let life happen to me.
I'm letting life happen to me.
And I'm tired of the past tense.
I'm tired of the future tense.
My now is only filled with regret and anxieties, so there is no now.

A part of me sees how I will fall apart
A part of me aches for change
A part of me is terrified of change

All of me wants to disappear for a bit and start new

But I don't know how

And even if I did, I'm so scared just to end up in this exact spot once again.