I'm still fluctuating between hints of normal and heavy sadness.
I don't know if I've even been in such a black place before. The last time might've been freshman year but I guess I've suppressed that memory.
So much of my frustration is derived from regret, from self-pity, from hating every inch of who I am...and I feel myself caving in to my inner demons. I've sunken so low mentally and emotionally and I don't know how to fight my way back up.
My pity party ensues:
I just want to scream and cry and scream and cry.
The worst fucking thing is I just need to vent, to let it out, but I can't because I'll look needy and whiny and I can't take another cringeworthy interaction.
"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good, Oh Lord please don't let me be misunderstood"
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."