[TRIGGER WARNING]
i don't think i'll make it through the night my heart is defeated my mind rendered dumb my pain selfish i think it's been pretty obvious i've wanted to disappear for some time i've lost all sense of being, living it doesn't feel repairable everyone has tried it's not your fault i've just become numb to the help to all the encouragement and motivation to all the i love you's to all the it'll get better's because i can't find it in myself i can't feel it in myself i can't help myself i hate myself the world is just black it's technicolor for most but it's dark for me i know you won't understand i know you'll think i was being incredibly stupid i know you'll think that this was such a waste of all the potential that could've been but trust me for once i wasn't going anywhere i'm better off now than i was before i can finally breath i love you all so fucking much i just hated myself more it sounds irrational, insane, unwarranted but that's how i feel so completely overwhelmed anxiety has taken over i cannot keep up i will not be able to keep up i will keep falling i can't take this anymore i'm not worth it i feel like a waste of space that if i keep going like this, you all would lose your minds i've already lost mine please take care of yourselves don't make my mistakes become your own i love you all so incredibly much i hope you feel it, my love even if i couldn't myself
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"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."
-Alice Kingsley Archives
September 2020
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